Not too long ago, you celebrated your child’s high school graduation. They finally did it! 12 years of homework and hardship are over! Now, they are ready to embark on a new journey in their life, one that will change their lives forever. Suddenly, your excitement fades and is replaced with fear and worry: ‘is my daughter ready?’ ‘Will my son make the right decisions?’ These and many other concerns occupy a parent’s mind constantly when their child is about to start college. Such worries lead parents to become overprotective, in fear of their child messing up and failing. That’s why etcetera reached out to Dr. Loubna Souheil, an educational psychologist and school counselor, for advice on what parents should anticipate in this new chapter of their young adult’s life.

“The first year, the start-up, is a transitional period for both the parents and their child,” explains Dr. Loubna. Just like the young adult must adjust to the new situation of independence and agency, so must the parents adjust their perspective; their son or daughter is no longer a child, but a young adult who has their own life full of responsibilities, experiences, and struggles. In short, what takes getting used to is independence. Of course, independence isn’t a trait that a person develops overnight; “it is a skill that should be developed from childhood,” says Dr. Loubna.

But not so fast, your child still needs you! Parents should be prepared for some drawbacks during this first year. As part of encountering a new environment, students face anxiety, due to the stress of being in a new place. Their grades may not be so great; they may struggle in managing their finances and time, and they may feel lonely. All these obstacles are normal during the first year of independence.

“Setbacks are inevitable; any change, be it positive or negative, is stressful and challenging,” says Dr. Loubna. In her PhD dissertation, “Student Needs Assessment for a Holistic Co-Curricular Program at Lebanese Universities” (2017), Dr. Loubna found that “most students proved that social interactions are more important to them than academic success.” Students begin university as strangers and are looking to fit in. In the first year, they put more effort into developing their social environment. “Once they’re settled and have built their social relationships, they can focus on their studies. It becomes a need,” she adds. Inevitably, when social concerns take over academic ones: academic life struggles.

What a parent should understand is that the best way to help here, is to not help at all; which is to say, parents shouldn’t swoop in and save the day. They can provide support and guidance, but agency ultimately falls on the young adult. “Maintaining an open line of communication is also very important. A parent’s strongest tool is listening and not judging,” iterates Dr. Loubna. For example, “if I see that my child is not getting good grades of course I have to deal with it; the question is how do I deal with it? Through listening and talking,” she elaborates.

In the end, parents have to accept that their child is growing up. And the best way they can help him or her do so is by allowing them to do just that. Grow up! Make mistakes! Experience! And Learn. The best way a parent can help is by being their constant support system, ready to offer guidance and advice, to not judge, and to listen. “The first period of university is the hardest but then it’s the most beautiful period in a person’s life”, says Dr. Loubna.
 

Loubna Souheil has a PhD in Educational Sciences from Saint Joseph University. She also has an MA in Educational Psychology with a concentration in Counseling from the American University of Beirut. Loubna has been an educational counselor for over 20 years at both higher education and school levels.

Work Cited:
Souheil, Loubna. Student Needs Assessment for a Holistic Co-Curricular Program at Lebanese Universities. Dissertation, Saint Joseph University, 2017.